Friday, November 10, 2006

Why?

The service was last night. It was very nice. There were so many friends and neighbors and her former co-workers. Many people stood up to speak and shared memories of Sarah with everyone. It was very comforting to see her family with the girls. The baby was in-arms or worn all night. The family is definitely into attachment parenting so the girls will be supported in the way they are use to. I was able to talk to Sarah's mom and get a few more details. The decision for Sarah and her husband to go out for dinner was a last minute thing. The house was calm the baby was fed, and so she decided to run out and meet her husband for dinner, leaving the girls at home with her parents who were in town visiting. They had a very nice dinner and Sarah had called one of her sisters and was talking to her about it on her way home. She was apparently very happy to have gotten a short break. Her phone cut off when she was hit. The autopsy said she didn't suffer at all, the accident was extremely traumatic and there was no chance she could have survived it. I am thankful for that, that she didn't have any time to worry or be scared.
I feel so badly for Drew, words just can't even describe it. He just looks horrible and like he's been beaten down with sticks. He told another friend of mine he just doesn't want to go on, he doesn't want to do this without her. I just can't imagine. 
Our community of friends is determined to keep the girls involved in their former lives as much as possible. We also have a large group of people who are pumping milk for the baby. I plan to do whatever I can, be it babysit, pump, shop, cook, whatever it is they need. Sarah's parents are staying with the family until January, and after that her husband will need even more help.
I am still reeling from the tragedy of it all. I just can't stop thinking about them. I just want to move my family in with them and take care of them all! It's just too terrible. These kinds of things should never happen. She was a model mother, calm and gentle and loving. I honestly never saw her mad, I never saw her react in anger or even frustration. I never heard her say one negative thing about her husband. She loved life and everything it has to offer. She loved her husband and her girls more than anything. I am so sad they will never remember her. One of the saddest things  last night was when Sarah's mom told me that the first day the Abigail looked all over for Sarah all day long, but by last night she had stopped looking. It just kills me that in only three short days that baby has lost all memory of her mama.  For all she has poured into her.  Abigail will never remember.  They said Maya is doing ok.  She was obviously distressed last night, she was very reserved and wouldn't play with the other children after the service.  I am sure she is comprehending far more than she can express at only 2 years old.  But I fear she also will forget in time.  She's just not quite old enough to have made permenant memories.
I keep asking why and not really being satisfied with the answers. I know all the answers, believe me. But none of them work. None of them bring peace. Maybe in time but not yet.
Please keep praying for their family. The girls lives are now forever marked by this. I can't imagine what Drew is going to go through trying to explain things he doesn't even understand himself as they get older and comprehend things.

3 comments:

Brandi said...

I can't even imagine... it's my worst nightmare. I know they don't know me...heck...YOU hardly know me. But if there is anything I can do to help them, let me know.

elanorh said...

I read about this on Mothering and checked in here - I don't know if I can help or not but thought I'd offer.

My first daughter had multiple food allergies (including soy) and we are avoiding the Big 8 (which includes soy) with our second right now. Do the moms who are sharing - have a soy avoidance list and good recipes etc.? I can provide that if you lack that.

Let me know if there's anything else I could do to help - I'm not online often so it may take a few days before I reply.

I think the best way to reach me would be to pm me at Mothering.

Chris said...

You are right, none of the answers work at a time like this, and the truth of the matter is, there really are no answers. Nothing can make a tragedy like this right. Peace does come, and life does go on, but it takes time for the hurt to go away, and in some ways it never does. Prayers are a good thing, and God does answer prayers. Know that you are in mine, and so is the family. I know you are a great support person for the family; it's who you are. I also know you have a great support system for yourself, but if you ever do need to chat, you know my digits.