Wednesday, May 30, 2007


You know how just one little thing can trigger a barrel full of emotion? Last night I was happily plodding through evite backgrounds to help Lisa decide on one to send out for our class reunion. Click, click, click.............choke.

I came across the evite I received almost a year ago exactly inviting us to Maya's second birthday. The evite Sarah choose for her baby girl's party.

The emotion still runs so deep when I think about her.

Drew and the girls have moved to Michigan to be near family that can help him and I honestly think it was the best thing possible for them all. We correspond every few weeks now. The last time I heard from him he had just gotten up the courage to read a book I had made for him and the girls. I made three copies so they can all have one to keep forever. It was a compilation of all the posts Sarah had made to our Yahoo group over the course of two and a half years. It has so much of her parenting philosophy in it, so many little milestones marked from the girls lives. Little tiny memories and glimpses into her soul. He said it made him cry and he is so happy to have it. I know the girls will appreciate it when they are big enough. 5 of us from our playgroup also made a video for them, he said he can't look at that yet.

It's been almost 7 months since she was killed. I can't believe it. A huge milestone is coming up and I've been dreading it since the accident. The way the numbers fall, on Maya's third birthday it will be the 8 month anniversary of her mothers death. That date will also mark the fact that Abigail will have lived longer without her mother than with her. It's just too horrible for words.

I am reminded of Sarah almost daily. I try to remember to savor the moments, every last one, even the crappy ones because you just never know. I want my children to be saturated with the knowledge that I love them, down to their deepest core. I need to be thankful for every minute I have with them, because life is nothing if not uncertain and I don't want to have any regrets.

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

Samantha (Mom In Guam) tagged me, so here goes:
“Rules”After posting these rules, each player proceeds to list 8 relatively random facts/habits about himself/herself. At the end of the post, the player then tags 8 people and posts their names, leaving them a comment on their blogs to let them know.

1. Being a stay at home mom is hands down the hardest thing I have ever done ever. I thought being a mom would be so easy and wonderful and I thought I knew everything because of all the work I did with kids. I was so wrong!!!

2. I can't wait til we have a house with a yard, I so badly want a garden and a place for the kids to run outside safely.

3. I love cookies as long as they don't contain fruit or nuts.

4. I cannot wait to go to Europe again. It is such an amazing place, I love seeing how people live differently than we do in the US.

5. I travel in circles. When I have to run out I plan things so that I leave from one direction and return from the other. I even prefer to walk back and forth to the park different ways so my path forms a circle. I have no idea why.

6. I love dogs and cats. But if I could only have one pet it would be a cat.

7. I hate that both my kids were born by c-section and if it weren't for that I would probably want more kids. The idea of pregnancy and birth terrifies me now.

8. My husband is my best friend and I love him more than I ever thought I could ever love another human being. He is so patient, I don't know how he puts up with me and all my flaws. He is a wonderful man, better than I could have ever hoped for.

I tag Brandi, Sue, Ann, Chris Williams(if he ever checks his blog!), April, Emily, Heather and Brian . Of course you don't have to do it if you don't want to! I don't have them all linked here though.....maybe I should do that!

Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Things the kids are saying!

Ian is progressing with his talking really well. Like Gracie he seems to be a pretty social little guy. His newest trick is to say "hello" to everyone. It's so cute and I always feel so bad when whoever he was trying to talk to ignores him. He doesn't give up though, he just says it over and over again to whoever will look.

He also has taken to saying "ouch" or "owww" when something is bothering him and he will point to where the problem is. I love the ability to effectively communicate!!! It's so nice to know what's wrong!

Gracie is full of sayings as always. Her most recent one is to say "You kill me off!" Which is her variation on me saying "you kill me!" when she is being really silly. So now if we make her laugh she says "Mom, you kill me off!"

Yesterday she added a variation to that phrase. We were goofing around and she said "Mom, you piss me off!" Yes, I do use that phrase. Obviously she had the context confused, cause she thought it was a response to something funny. And I was laughing after she she said it cause, you know, it was funny. So she kept saying it. I tried to explain that was something I say when I'm mad but I don't think she got it.

Today she wanted to go outside to tell the rain to go away. So I let her, and she stood on the back porch and yelled at the rain. It was pretty cute. Til a giant thunder crashed and sent her shaking into my arms!

Today she also informed me that rain is like a big giant sprinkler.

The other day I had to lift a chair out of the kitchen into the living room over the gate I have up to keep Bingo in the kitchen. The conversation went like this:

Gracie: Mommy, you are so big and strong, good job.
Me: Yes, I am a big, strong mommy.
Gracie: and fat too!
Me: Yes, mommy is big, strong, and fat. Thanks.
Gracie: No problem mommy!!

I guess I have to give her credit for being honest. We need to work on sensitivity though!

Friday, May 18, 2007

Things have been so busy around here!!

I started watching baby Blake this week. He's very sweet and pretty easy-going, but he's a baby non the less and requires a lot of my focus when he's here. I'm on the fence about continuing to watch him, I'm going to see how this next week goes. Gracie has seriously regressed this week, having potty accidents more than once a day every day this week. It is making me feel really guilty...I don't think the little income boost is really worth her feeling so displaced.

I've also been working on planning my 15th class reunion. Unfortunately the planning and work that should have been done months ago never was and now it's a virtual scramble to get things done for a reunion that is suppose to take place July 27th & 28th. There is a group of 4 of us, myself, Felicia, Chris, and Lisa who have now pretty much taken over all the planning. We have until the end of the month to get invitations in the mail and still no plans that are etched in stone. I attended a very small high school but still it's going to be a bit of planning to get everyone together and we are missing contact information for about half the class of 38 people. I'll feel much less frantic once I know our venues are officially booked and I am only missing information for a couple people.

Tomorrow we are headed up to Loveland to celebrate my mother-in-laws birthday. It's suppose to be a beautiful day so we will be able to have a picnic outside, it should be really nice.

Here are some pictures from this afternoon. Thank goodness the warm weather seems to be here to stay. I love the sun and playing outdoors! I gave the kids a bunch of pots and pans and the hose, they had a great time!

Thursday, May 10, 2007


And Bingo is his name-o.

Here's some shots of the little fella and Maggie. He is officially a complete and total mutt, his origins are based in hound dog, lab, and some sort of Benji looking terrier. He should be about 30 pounds full grown. Gracie picked him from the group of 11 puppies and of course she also gave him his name. We got him last Thursday night and he's doing very well. He's gonna be a good dog!

Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Near death experiences.

OK, maybe not really, but they scared me so much they mine as well have been.

In the last two days each of my kids has taken a huge fall from playground equipment. It was enough to make my heart completely stop each time.

On Monday we went to our little local neighborhood park. Ian is fairly new to climbing the equipment completely without help and he's pretty brave. So he had climbed up to a level by himself and he was standing at one of those openings they have for kids to reach over from poles and other various climbing things besides stairs. No biggie, he's no fool, he wasn't about to jump or anything. I was about 3 feet from him and I was talking to another mom who was asking me questions about our puppy. (Yes, we got a puppy. I'll get to that in a minute.) Anyway, this moms son who was 4 or 5 decided he wanted to climb down the pole thing that Ian was standing in the "doorway" to. And as any self absorbed child is want to do he decided that rather than wait for the baby to move or ask an adult to help he would just shove him out. Yes. The kid literally shoved Ian off the equipment. I have actually never observed any child do that at a park, kids usually seem to understand that it's not cool to hurt another kid and that falling off like that would hurt someone.

Luckily the particular platform he was on was only about 3 1/2 feet off the ground, and Ian did not hit the pole in question, so he just went flat down to the wood chips and he was ok. The thing that really ticked me off was the parents of this kid, who were both right there next to me did absolutely nothing. They didn't talk to their son, they didn't ask if Ian was ok, and they didn't apologize for their sons behavior. So they either ascribe to the school of "life sucks, get over it" or they were just rude. Either way I hope we don't see them again, because if their kid pushes mine off playground equipment again I may not be able to hold my tongue.

So new day, new park. Yesterday afternoon I took the kids to the big park in town. Ian was content to stay off the equipment but of course Gracie was all over it. She always is. She finds kids and makes friends immediately. Yesterday I watched her approach a kid easily twice her age and say "Hi friend, do you want to go down the slide with me?" She has no fear. So, she decided to go up this twisty stairway on a pole thingy that she's done a million times before. The platform she is climbing to is probably 7 feet off the ground, with my arms outstretched I can barely touch it. Once she gets to the top there is the scary gap that must be crossed from the pole to the platform. No biggie, except that she decided once her one arm was across that she needed to tell the kid at the bottom who was starting "NO, GET OFF UNTIL I AM DONE!!!!!" The reason she thought she needed to tell the kid that was because there was a grandma over at another piece of equipment she had just climbed managing all the children and only allowing one at a time. Which is silly in my opinion, kids tend to do just fine on their own and aren't really all that bothered by other kids playing and climbing around them. I really try to be a hands off parent at the park. I've learned by observation that the parents that are constantly helping their kids and saying "be careful" are the ones with kids that try to do things they shouldn't because they are use to being assisted. Then that parent turns their back and the kid goes splat because they aren't coordinated enough to do what they are trying to do. I have a firm rule at the park, if you can't do it yourself then you can't do it. It has resulted in tears, but it leaves me confident that they are only doing what they can handle.

OK, so I got off track.

Gracie yelled at the kid, and because of her focus on him she completely forgot what she was doing. And she moved without thinking. And she lost her balance. And she fell. She managed to grab the platform while I ran from all of 5 feet away in total slow motion. Her fingers slipped just as I was within reach and I manged to slow but not stop her fall.

Oh the screaming that ensued...... After letting her let it out for a minute I asked her to please please calm down for a minute and tell me what if anything was hurt. She said her elbow hurt, but then she proceeded to tell me in a louder and louder voice that it was That Kid Who Wouldn't Listen TO ME AND IT WAS ALL HIS FAULT AND WHY DIDN'T HE LISTEN TO ME AND I AM SO VERY VERY SAD.................. This went on for 20 minutes climaxing the entire time. Ian went and sat with another mom to get away from the noise. I was debating leaving, but I knew that would probably make things worse if that was possible. So I sat and listened and cuddled. And as quick as it was over she stopped. So I asked her "Do you want to stay and play or go home?" Of course she choose to stay. And you know what she did? She immediately marched right over to the thing she had fallen off of and she climbed it with certain determination. She was pissed and she was not about to let the playground equipment win. She went right up, crossed the gap with ease, and that was that, situation over.

Let no one ever say that she is not a determined little girl. With an attitude like that she is going to conqueror the world someday. She makes me so proud. Even though it will probably drive me to an early grave!