You know how just one little thing can trigger a barrel full of emotion? Last night I was happily plodding through evite backgrounds to help Lisa decide on one to send out for our class reunion. Click, click, click.............choke.
I came across the evite I received almost a year ago exactly inviting us to Maya's second birthday. The evite Sarah choose for her baby girl's party.
The emotion still runs so deep when I think about her.
Drew and the girls have moved to Michigan to be near family that can help him and I honestly think it was the best thing possible for them all. We correspond every few weeks now. The last time I heard from him he had just gotten up the courage to read a book I had made for him and the girls. I made three copies so they can all have one to keep forever. It was a compilation of all the posts Sarah had made to our Yahoo group over the course of two and a half years. It has so much of her parenting philosophy in it, so many little milestones marked from the girls lives. Little tiny memories and glimpses into her soul. He said it made him cry and he is so happy to have it. I know the girls will appreciate it when they are big enough. 5 of us from our playgroup also made a video for them, he said he can't look at that yet.
It's been almost 7 months since she was killed. I can't believe it. A huge milestone is coming up and I've been dreading it since the accident. The way the numbers fall, on Maya's third birthday it will be the 8 month anniversary of her mothers death. That date will also mark the fact that Abigail will have lived longer without her mother than with her. It's just too horrible for words.
I am reminded of Sarah almost daily. I try to remember to savor the moments, every last one, even the crappy ones because you just never know. I want my children to be saturated with the knowledge that I love them, down to their deepest core. I need to be thankful for every minute I have with them, because life is nothing if not uncertain and I don't want to have any regrets.