Holy crap. And Melissa, again, I'm so sorry.
So Gracie is going to do a solo for her 4H fine arts competition (except it's not really a competition for her age group) in March. We picked a song from Music Together because it is short, simple, and really very beautiful. It's called May All Children. Anyway, I needed an accompaniment track for the performance and couldn't find one anywhere. After looking and asking around I was reminded that I know someone who teaches Music Together and plays guitar and could probably do it for me. So I contacted Melissa and arranged to meet her today at her studio at 12:15.
It should have been as simple as that. Really.
So we arrived on time, Melissa finished her class and we sat down to get started. I didn't want to impose much on her so I was hoping we could do it very quickly. Asked the kids on the way there to please please be quiet when she was playing so we could quickly be finished and go home. In retrospect I should have insisted they just sit in the foyer. But they sat in the room and Ian was wearing swishy track pants so every time he moved there was a noise and then he had to breath deep and sigh and then, well, you get the point. He was being distracting. Melissa played once, wasn't sure it was right and wanted to do it again. I kept shooting looks at Ian, he kept swishing, although quietly, he wasn't the frozen statue I had asked him to be. Anyway, I think what we got will be fine, I'll know for sure once James gets it on a CD.
So when we were done I was somewhat frustrated with him but it was over and we were hungry and headed out. When Ian shut Melissa's office door. After he locked it. And all her stuff was inside.
Momentary panic led to me trying to open it with a card which was funny since I had just taught Gracie how to do that yesterday when she was talking about being a detective. No dice on this door though. So phase 2, I tried to pick the lock which resulted in a paperclip becoming lodged in the lock. I'm feeling like a real jerk at this point.
Phase 3 involved me going to the car to get a screwdriver and crowbar.
I popped the hinges off the door but it still wouldn't move because of the hinge design. While we were trying to wiggle it out Gracie suggested kicking the door. I told her it wouldn't work because the door opened the other way. About 10 seconds later she came up between me and Melissa and gave the door a huge kick.
*Internal Dialogue Moment* Shit. I just want to die. Why won't my children listen to me? Why are they so naughty? Why did I ever think I could handle 6 kids? Why the hell is she kicking the door when I said no? Why do I home school again? ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
I told Gracie to sit down and then with a little prying we got the door off and the paper clip unlodged and the door unlocked and everything out and the door hung back on and closing properly. We left and I was shaking and frustrated and embarrassed and annoyed and asked Ian why in the world he locked and shut the door and then he told me Delaney did it. Delaney is the horrible neighbor child we had many run ins with at our condo. We haven't seen her since the day we left in July. How do you even argue when kid states something that is so undeniably untrue as a cold hard fact? He had already apologized a few times for the whole thing so I have no idea why when I asked him what his motivation was he decided to go with the impossible.
So yeah. I'd like to have a redo on the hour between Noon and 1, but since I can't I think I'll just have a drink and make sure this is documented so the kids know why I'm in the loony bin when I snap and those nice young men in their clean white coats come and take me away.
*Bonus points to you if you like the song I just referenced*